the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
