When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
