I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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