And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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