I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
