Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
