I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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