first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
