Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
