Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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