he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
