i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
