I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
