I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
