i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
