Where is the hickey?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
