So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
