I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
