I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
