I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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