I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
