ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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