Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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