She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
how drunk are you?
Several
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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