No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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