but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
