I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
