wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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