I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
