This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
