So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
