saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
