everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
