If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
