im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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