My room smells like vodka and shame
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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