Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
