I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
