looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
