I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
