Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there's paper in my vomit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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