This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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