she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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