i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
