Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
