if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
