Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
