i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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