Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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