I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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