He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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