What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
